I wanna look like a guido/guidette from Jersey Shore. Clearly you need help.

I figured this would be an appropriate topic of discussion beings that I just got back from my first visit to Jersey. Although I did not go to the Jersey Shore, while I was visiting I happened to stumble upon a few things that caught my attention. First off let me introduce you to exactly what the Jersey Shore is, the show that is. And yes I am one of the 8 million viewers who has watched this show. According to wikipedia:


"Jersey Shore is an American reality television series that premiered on MTV on December 3, 2009 in the United States. The series follows the lives of eight housemates spending their summer at the Jersey Shore in the U.S. state of New Jersey. Season 2 followed the cast escaping the cold northeast winter to Miami Beach, with Season 3 returning to the Jersey Shore. The fourth season, filmed in Italy. MTV confirmed in June 2011 that Season 5 will return to Seaside Heights. The show debuted amid large amounts of controversy regarding the use of the words "Guido/Guidette," portrayals of Italian-American stereotypes, and scrutiny from locals because the cast members were not residents of the area."

But let me lay some cold hard truth on you... This show is a chance for you to make fun of these 8 cast members and ultimately feel better about yourself. There is nothing thought provoking, profound, or moving about this show unless you are inspired by gallons of spray tan and a whole lot of booze as well as watching what I like to call a trainwreck of a group of people. But one thing is for sure... Jersey natives dress to be talked about. Let's get started...

While I was in Jersey it was a must to stop in a tanning salon and what did I see on all the shelves? JWOWW tanning lotion. Oh yes this was very much real. And don't worry if you don't go tanning you can just buy globs of bronzer in a shade of orange. Same effect.

Picture from: www.tanforless.com

Next up is the fashion that Jersey Shore cast members think is okay. Now I like a good statement and this is a place where there are no stylists and the people wearing these clothes couldn't think they looked any better. (Another cold hard truth... You don't look good.) So there is plenty of opportunity for a statement, but when the statement your making is a walking talking disaster you should take another look in the mirror.  It really does take time and effort to look that bad so I will hand it to them for that. 

After you master the over baked/Tony the Tiger orange look you are now onto the fun stuff. 

1. Sunglasses. Turns out you really don't need to see out of the lenses. 

  

Now that is just ridiculous. She looks like she is from StarTrek. What is the purpose of sunglasses if you can't even see out of them. Unfortunately Snooki started this trend and now people are buying sunglasses and gluing gems on the front of them  because "its cool." IT IS NOT COOL! Do you wear these when you drive? Sure hope not. In fact you shouldn't ever wear these. 

2. A shade of obnoxious. The brighter the color, the more layered the graphics and if it glitters then you can bet that you will indeed look like you are from the Jersey Shore. And if you want to make your own, start by getting crayola paint and fist pumping it onto your own shirt, then adding some skulls or hearts and finally topping it off with some glitter or metallic. 

Image from MTV.com

3. Accentuating the muffin tops. There is nothing like dressing up your muffins because who wouldn't want to show them off? And on the Jersey Shore when shopping you find a dress in your size, but you buy the one that is 3 sizes smaller than what you actually wear. 

Image from :http://wwe-collections.blogspot.com

See how good that looks? (That was sarcasm) There is just no need for this. If you aren't a stick figure that is fine. There are clothes that won't squeeze the life out of you and you'll still have friends. I promise. 

I just can't grasp why anyone would want the kind of fashion attention that this cast brings. Yes, it is quite entertaining and maybe that is why they do it, but there comes a time when it just gets to be too much. If the Jersey Shore cast will wear it that should be a good indicator that you should not. 

Let the fashion disaster show begin!

Keep it classy, 

<3Elizabeth

Fanny packs, sunburn, bright colored t-shirts=TOURIST SEASON

Summer has officially hit and one thing is for sure, the tourists are in full swing. We have all seen them walking down the boardwalk with their cameras attached to their necks taking pictures of literally anything and everything. What exactly is a tourist? Well it is someone who doesn’t necessarily belong here, but is visiting anyways whether it is for the weekend or for the summer season.  How exactly do you spot a tourist? Well that’s easy.

Large families with color coordinated t-shirts. Haven’t you ever been to Disney World where there is an entire family in what I like to call, “a shade of obnoxious” or in other words some bright neon color so they can be easily retrieved if they were to get lost? These shirts don’t just temporarily blind you, but usually on the back they say, “The Jones Family.” Well, here it is relatively the same as Disney except most of the kids are on leashes and families all have on matching “Rehoboth Beach” sweatshirts.

The sun tan lines. Clearly these are vacationers that are so overly excited about finally getting on the beach and soaking up the summer sun that they don’t think they will need sunscreen the first day. That is until the later that night when they realize their skin resembles a lobster and for the rest of their vacation they are coated in sunscreen as white as their tan lines.

Image URL: http://www.tenerife-tattle.com/category/holiday-in-tenerife/tourist/

They feed the seagulls. As if the seagulls aren’t already annoying enough, flying over top of your head or landing close to your towel at the site of anything edible. Tourists don’t seem to realize that when they feed one seagull it becomes a stampede of birds flocking around you. Now for us locals this is one of the last things we want to deal with.

Image URL: http://www.flickr.com/photos/13strong/172199383/

The way they talk. It’s “Lewes” not “Lews.” Clearly if you ever have been approached by a tourist with a deer in a headlight look in their eyes when they are lost or have a question they typically pronounce many of the local spots completely wrong. As if the fanny pack, bright t-shirt, and your sun burn more red than lipstick didn’t give it away you had to speak.

Socks and sandals. You are at the beach where flip-flops are a vital part of the summer wardrobe. But the people that come to the beach wearing their flip-flops with white tube socks make me giggle especially when they actually walk on the beach. Why would anyone want to get sand in their socks?

Image URL: http://greaseormascarafashion.blogspot.com/p/fashion-faux-pas.html

So we salute you sunburned, fanny pack wearing, turtle pace walking tourists.  Because while it is entertaining to park yourself on one of the benches and go “tourist spotting” these are the people that keep our season running and without them many of us would not have summer jobs.