I wanna look like a guido/guidette from Jersey Shore. Clearly you need help.

I figured this would be an appropriate topic of discussion beings that I just got back from my first visit to Jersey. Although I did not go to the Jersey Shore, while I was visiting I happened to stumble upon a few things that caught my attention. First off let me introduce you to exactly what the Jersey Shore is, the show that is. And yes I am one of the 8 million viewers who has watched this show. According to wikipedia:


"Jersey Shore is an American reality television series that premiered on MTV on December 3, 2009 in the United States. The series follows the lives of eight housemates spending their summer at the Jersey Shore in the U.S. state of New Jersey. Season 2 followed the cast escaping the cold northeast winter to Miami Beach, with Season 3 returning to the Jersey Shore. The fourth season, filmed in Italy. MTV confirmed in June 2011 that Season 5 will return to Seaside Heights. The show debuted amid large amounts of controversy regarding the use of the words "Guido/Guidette," portrayals of Italian-American stereotypes, and scrutiny from locals because the cast members were not residents of the area."

But let me lay some cold hard truth on you... This show is a chance for you to make fun of these 8 cast members and ultimately feel better about yourself. There is nothing thought provoking, profound, or moving about this show unless you are inspired by gallons of spray tan and a whole lot of booze as well as watching what I like to call a trainwreck of a group of people. But one thing is for sure... Jersey natives dress to be talked about. Let's get started...

While I was in Jersey it was a must to stop in a tanning salon and what did I see on all the shelves? JWOWW tanning lotion. Oh yes this was very much real. And don't worry if you don't go tanning you can just buy globs of bronzer in a shade of orange. Same effect.

Picture from: www.tanforless.com

Next up is the fashion that Jersey Shore cast members think is okay. Now I like a good statement and this is a place where there are no stylists and the people wearing these clothes couldn't think they looked any better. (Another cold hard truth... You don't look good.) So there is plenty of opportunity for a statement, but when the statement your making is a walking talking disaster you should take another look in the mirror.  It really does take time and effort to look that bad so I will hand it to them for that. 

After you master the over baked/Tony the Tiger orange look you are now onto the fun stuff. 

1. Sunglasses. Turns out you really don't need to see out of the lenses. 

  

Now that is just ridiculous. She looks like she is from StarTrek. What is the purpose of sunglasses if you can't even see out of them. Unfortunately Snooki started this trend and now people are buying sunglasses and gluing gems on the front of them  because "its cool." IT IS NOT COOL! Do you wear these when you drive? Sure hope not. In fact you shouldn't ever wear these. 

2. A shade of obnoxious. The brighter the color, the more layered the graphics and if it glitters then you can bet that you will indeed look like you are from the Jersey Shore. And if you want to make your own, start by getting crayola paint and fist pumping it onto your own shirt, then adding some skulls or hearts and finally topping it off with some glitter or metallic. 

Image from MTV.com

3. Accentuating the muffin tops. There is nothing like dressing up your muffins because who wouldn't want to show them off? And on the Jersey Shore when shopping you find a dress in your size, but you buy the one that is 3 sizes smaller than what you actually wear. 

Image from :http://wwe-collections.blogspot.com

See how good that looks? (That was sarcasm) There is just no need for this. If you aren't a stick figure that is fine. There are clothes that won't squeeze the life out of you and you'll still have friends. I promise. 

I just can't grasp why anyone would want the kind of fashion attention that this cast brings. Yes, it is quite entertaining and maybe that is why they do it, but there comes a time when it just gets to be too much. If the Jersey Shore cast will wear it that should be a good indicator that you should not. 

Let the fashion disaster show begin!

Keep it classy, 

<3Elizabeth

Tight jean wearer.... muffin tops belong on muffins, not people

Have you ever seen someone wearing jeans that are 5x smaller than what they need to be wearing? And you just wish someone would enlighten them that their muffin tops hanging over the sides do not in any fashion compliment them? For those of you who don't know what a muffin top is let me educate you. BAM! Look below.

They aren't really too hard to miss. Muffin tops are the fat that hangs over the waistline. The only place muffin tops belong is on muffins not people. So here are some helpful tips on how to avoid the muffin top syndrome according to e-how. 


1. Wear clothes that fit all of you. Your hips may fit a size 8, but your waistline is busting out of a ten. Wearing clothes that fit your whole body prevents the restriction on the abdomen, which leads to a muffin top.


2. Wear a size larger. The long-standing myth is to make yourself look smaller by wearing smaller clothes. Well, this is how a muffin top is formed; the tight waistline constricts the belly fat, pushing it up and out of the pants. Find your size, and then go up one. Contrary to belief, a size larger is flattering on a woman's figure. The clothes lay on the body, accentuating it, not clinging to it for dear life.


3. Get rid of the belly fat. There are several ways to rid the abdomen of the fat that causes a muffin top. Weight training, cardio exercises and eating well are a few ways to reduce the belly fat, and eliminate the muffin top.


4. Banish those low rise jeans. They were once thought to prevent a muffin top, but low rise jeans actually create one. Go for the mid rise jeans which have an added bonus: they prevent the showcasing of your underwear to that world--an unwanted feature of low rise jeans.


(I own neither of these pics)






Keep it classy, 
Elizabeth